It’s usually the first 10 minutes into a date that one or both parties will make a determination as to whether a second date will eventuate, hence setting up the tone for the remainder of the date. But is this a wise frame of mind to in?
An Australian women’s magazine polled their readers which consisted of 2200 respondents, the published results indicated that 83% of first dates never make it past this initial stage. Relationships expert, Diane Bishop said, “Most people make the mistake of overlooking a potential love interest if there are no sparks or romantic signals within the very early stages of the date, even if your date is a nice person but offered no initial romantic attraction, sometimes it’s worth pursuing a second date to determine if a person could potentially develop into something more.”
With my job as a matchmaking advisor, people usually tend to waste golden opportunities rather than use these interactions as a learning curb, to find out more about other people and themselves. Any date or interaction you experience, on any level, should be considered part of your journey, not a waste of time.
1. Don’t be negative because of past experiences. Even though your last few dates might be described as non-eventful does not mean you should take this attitude into the next time you’re dating somebody new. “I really hope this guy likes me” instead of “here we go again, another bad date”, always keep an open mind, you’ll be in a far better head space to determine how you might feel about him. Give it your best chance to succeed, not your worst.
2. Try and come up with 3 simple things you like or admire about him rather than nit picking from the outset as most people tend to do. Even something simple like the way he dresses, the restaurant venue he chose or his level of eye contact: What do you like about him?
3. Offer a compliment. You can play your part in settling the nerves of your date thus setting up a far more enjoyable evening. Watch and see how quickly he loosens up when you pay him a simple compliment, you’ll get to see what he’s really like much sooner, and besides, a compliment is a nice gesture.
4. Think of it as practice. Use the experiences as a way to improve your people person skills until Mr. I love you finally makes his appearance. Dating a wide variety of people only makes you a sounder judge of character.
5. Leave your agenda behind. If the guy your dating does not do it for you within the first 10 – 15 minutes of meeting, it’s time to go into second phase mode. There’s a wealth of possibilities that can crop up. By limiting your outlook, you could very well miss opportunities such as meeting a new network of friends, or even a business opportunity. Either way, there could be some other significant message you can take away from the experience. What have you got to lose, you’re already there so make the most of it.
6. Ask him questions: But be selective with the topics you discuss. Don’t start complaining about all the bad dates you’ve gone on, or how your ex won’t stop stalking you – nobody likes a drama queen. Pick up the phone conversation where you left off, “Tell me a bit more about the places you visited on your trip to Australia.”
7. Ignore the little voices in your head. The one’s that try to tell you that you’re not good enough for this guy, or this date is a total waste of time and energy. Please, keep reminding yourself that it’s an opportunity you don’t want to miss, so hang in there and see what you can get out of the date.
8. It’s not about control. You’re there to find out about the person you’re dating, not yourself. Refrain from trying to read his mind or analyze his thoughts – just relax and go with the flow.
9. Be empathetic and kind. There’s every chance the person your with has the same levels of insecurities as yourself. Try and not get caught up with some assumption that you think you wouldn’t be able to live with, don’t pre-empt something too soon, give him a fighting chance to grow on you. And no matter how the date ends, make sure he feels good about himself, and not a total reject if sparks don’t fly, and in doing so, you’ll spread good karma too.
It’s part of human nature to long for a life time partner, someone you can share a deeper sense of understanding with, a sense of trust and love. So until this person comes into your life, offer the other people who come in and out of your life the utmost respect, this is the kind of attitude that pays off in the long run.
About the author: Matt Fuller is a matchmaking consultant and relationships author. Matt writes about topics relating to free online dating sites for single people as well as singles dating sites reviews.
