When joining a dating site, not every person you are interested in is going to contact you right away, be incredibly pushy, or want to meet with you the day you start chatting.  Following these 10 strategies should help increase your chances of finding whatever it is you are looking for.  Also, you’re less likely to waste any time chatting with people who you have no interest in.

1. Be proactive

If you are used to waiting for someone to show interest in you, try the opposite.  Be the one in pursuit.  Some women and men like the chase of someone trying to get them out, so make sure you are trying to keep interested. Don’t be pushy as well though!

2. Keep it cool

Stay away from sex talk until the relationship is more stable and you know each other in ways that don’t include that kind of stuff.  If you get into the sex talk too early it is difficult to separate that lusty emotion from the rest of the relationship.  You’ll be better off in the long run by keeping the pillow talk by the pillows!

3. Nix the nookie

You really should avoid sex until you know you are both committed to the relationship.  I know, this seems old fashioned, but if you both wait until you are equally emotionally invested, it will be a much better long term relationship! Plus, it makes the sex better!

4. Slow Down

We all want to be loved, but you shouldn’t go from nothing straight to love in minutes.  Just like a house, relationships are built on a foundation, and you need to build that foundation of friendship and respect in order to leap to the love stage.

5. RL v VR (Real Life vs. Virtual Reality)

This is online dating strategies, but actually being with your partner in real life and making an effort to see each other in the real world is very important.   Email, texting and IMing can be fun, and sometimes this gives you a chance to be more honest, but nothing beats face to face communication. Go for a cup of coffee, a walk in the park, or dinner to really get to know someone.

6. Truth

Be yourself throughout the entire process.  The last thing you want is to make up some small white lie and lose the entire relationship once you get caught in that.  In being true to yourself and your partner, you can find more similarities or differences that can help you form or a solid foundation for a relationship.

7. Be clear

Be clear from the start about how you want and don’t want to be treated. It is better to know how your new partner responds to your boundaries and standards.  If they know what you are looking for, they will be more willing to chat with you about what they are also looking for.

8. Don’t Compare

Understand who your new partner is.  Don’t spend all of your time comparing them to past partners in good or bad ways.  This is something entirely new and should be treated that way.  Comparing them to the last person you dated will cause jealousy and a potential breakup down the road.

9. Accept, or don’t

Don’t expect to change something about your partner once you’ve become closer.  If they are comfortable with something that bugs or annoys you, don’t expect them to change that action after you’ve gone out for a while.  If something annoys you, tell them, and if they are willing to fix it, let them, but if not, it may be time to go back online.

10. Have fun

Have fun. Connect. Learn. Dating is wonderful. It’s a chance to meet new and interesting people and do fun activities. It’s an opportunity for growth as a person. If you do it gently, without jeopardizing your emotional well-being, it will add sparkle to your life.